I know — that headline suggests I don't even watch WWE.
"Batista isn't in the Elimination Chamber match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship."
"Batista won the Royal Rumble so he's going to wrestle the champion at WrestleMania XXX."
"WWE would never do something that crazy."
Wrong. They would — and have.
In 2008, John Cena used his WrestleMania title shot at the February pay-per-view to challenge Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
In 2009, Edge attacked Kofi Kingston on his way to the ring and took his spot in the Elimination Chamber, going on to win the World Heavyweight Championship.
In 2010, Batista was granted a last-minute title match at Elimination Chamber against John Cena — who just won the WWE Championship in the hellish steel structure — and stole the gold.
These three events were all wild maneuvers to set up what needed to happen at WrestleMania. At this year's Elimination Chamber, WWE needs to make another one. Whether it's Batista slotting himself in the title match or cashing in an impromptu challenge, he has to win the gold.
But why? Well, that's even easier than the "how."
Batista should win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at Elimination Chamber because it's the best way to get to what really needs to happen at WrestleMania XXX: Daniel Bryan finally winning the big one.
Ideally Batista wouldn't even be involved in that event — it'd be a more poetic opponent like Randy Orton, John Cena or Triple H that Bryan bested for the gold. But Batista won the Royal Rumble, so those are handcuffs the WWE is just going to have to wiggle out of.
A few seconds of crowd reaction to Batista's presence tells you why he shouldn't have the crowning moment at the 30th WrestleMania, and a few seconds of Bryan's reception tells you why he should. In fact, there's your story. Batista can revert to his best form — petty douchebag — by whining about his Rumble win being spoiled by chants of "Dan-iel Bry-an!"
Batista's going to hear those chants no matter what he does at WrestleMania, so it might as well be Bryan himself across the ring from him, en route to the moment fans have wanted these past several months more than anything else in WWE.