“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.”

— Desmond Tutu

Fair warning, if you hold strong political beliefs, then please head on over to the comics section and see what Beetle Bailey is up to this Sunday, because this week I feel like picking our parties apart.

Now that that’s out of the way, allow me to shine a light on the highest office in the land or at least, those seeking to sit there. I get that it’s a tad early to be planning for 2020, but if the stores can start stocking Halloween candy in July, then I figure it’s fine for me to poke fun at politics prematurely. Republicans get to kick back a bit this summer, because President Trump will be running for re-election, so their search for a 2020 candidate was all but guaranteed in 2016. The Democrats however have no less than 20 people all hoping to be commander-in-chief. There’s so many folks running I half expect to see them wearing numbers on their shirts like they do in marathons. The networks even had to spread the debates over two nights this week, because if they covered it all in one sitting it would have taken five hours for everyone to get their 15 minutes of fame.

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Not that there was much debating going on. With that many people on stage it boils down to who can yell the loudest or verbally hit the hardest. Trust me, I come from a large family, so I know all about trying to get attention in a crowded room. The only problem with this is, what was once a polished performance of two or three people discussing issues has turned into the March Madness of debates. I never would have believed we could have chosen a candidate based upon a bracket system.

Since there doesn’t seem to be anyone conceding anytime soon, I suggest we take a page out of the WWE playbook and settle this selection situation the old fashion way — with a cage match! Imagine how exciting it would be to discard the podiums, throw together chain link walls, and add some folding chairs to see who comes out on top of this Royal Rumble ready to represent. Seriously, it’s called a “political ring” for a reason. And forget the networks, this needs to be put on pay-per-view. Imagine the revenue that would be created when Joe “The Bruiser” Biden or Elizabeth “The Warhead” Warren walked onto the stage wearing just a leotard. I for one wouldn’t mind shelling out $19.95 if it meant seeing Anderson Cooper in a striped referee shirt trying to calm down Bernie Sanders as he jumps from a turnbuckle.

I know I should probably take our political system more seriously, but I can only watch so much arguing before I’m praying for a smackdown. The way I see it, it’s on television, so if I can’t be educated can I at least be entertained?

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Auburn native Bradley Molloy’s column appears here each Sunday. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com