Winter Storm

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

― John Wooden

For centuries philosophers have tempted with the question “Is the glass half full or half empty?” How you answer that inquiry is supposed to explain what type of person you are. If it’s half full then you’re theorized to be an optimist, because you see the situation as being able to grow. If you say “half empty” then you’re showing what a pessimist you are, because you’re looking at what’s left to be consumed.

I’m not sure what Socrates would think, but I see the glass as just another thing that’ll have to be washed in the sink no matter what’s been poured into it. I guess that would make me a housekeeper. Now what does this little puzzle of psychology have to do with the good folks of Cayuga County? Well, this weekend is showing us all our true natures because we’ve finally gotten hit with a good old-fashioned snowstorm, and like the pealing of a banana it’s revealing what we all hold deep inside.

For those that are looking out the windows of their homes and getting excited to see a field of white just waiting to be experienced might be considered optimistic, because even though the land is covered in frozen ice they are more than happy to venture forth into it. “Optimistic” in this context is a nicer, kinder way of saying “insane.” Listen, sorry to be a sourpuss, but just because life hands you lemons doesn’t mean you have to go and make drinks, lemonade or otherwise. More often than not life gives you citrus because it didn’t know where you were registered and it was a last-minute gift purchase.

Bottom line is that people that enjoy a winter wonderland are deranged. I mean take snowshoeing. It’s an activity that takes all the joys of walking (of which there is none, hence the popularity of cars) and complicates things by strapping odd merchandise to your feet. There are even some people who are so positive in their approach that they make igloos for fun. Now I have a pretty active imagination, but at no point would I look at a snowbank and think, hmm … winter condo?

I see snow the same way I see rain — fun to look at but nasty to be in. I figure any time you have to put on more layers than an over-priced wedding cake then that activity isn’t worth doing. And my point can be proven, because they’ve never created a shoveling machine at the gym. Climbing steps? Sure. Rowing? Right this way. Shoveling? You’ll have to leave the building. How interesting can something be if no one wants to make money imitating it? So am I a pessimist or am I optimistic? Well, I guess I’m a bit of both. I have a good outlook as long as I’m indoors.

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Auburn native Bradley Molloy’s column appears here each Sunday. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com