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Snow and Cold

Cars travel in whiteout conditions in Auburn last winter.

“Winter is coming!”

— Jon Snow

Before I begin this week, folks, I want to take a moment to say a sincere thank you to all the women and men of our armed forces on this eve of Veterans Day. We have one of the strongest defenses in the world, yet every member volunteers for duty. Something to keep in mind: each night as we sleep soundly in our beds there are people across the globe standing vigil, so we don’t have to. So it is to those that raised their hands when asked to serve I say, “Thank you.”

On a much lighter note, we have finally had our first real snow of the season, and as soon as the flakes touched down people were up in arms. Folks just couldn’t complain fast enough; from Facebook to Twitter every other social media post was about how much people hated the fact that the dog days of summer were gone and being replaced by the long cold days of winter.

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Never mind the fact that it’s November, and some families already have their Christmas trees up for some psychotic reason, none of that even registered. But the thought of having to turn the windshield wiper on was enough to make some people snap. Who could have guessed that something as innocent as a virgin snow could make the language so colorful?

Professionals turned into tantrum-toting toddlers the minute they found out they’d need to put on a scarf or mittens before stepping out. I understand that no one wants to be cold, but it’s not like any of us were planning any outdoor picnics anytime soon, so the shock of seeing snow seems a bit misguided. Oh, and heaven forbid, if you were one of those unfortunate enough to need anything from the grocery store on Thursday evening. You may have thought we were in for an apocalyptic event instead of just a dusting. Every aisle was packed with people stocking up like frightened squirrels arguing over the last of the nuts.

While shopping carts were plentiful, patience was in short supply. If you stopped to read an ingredients label or perhaps looked for a coupon, then you were swiftly trampled as the masses made their way to the Doritos. If I’ve learned anything from our modern society, it’s that if there ever was a true disaster then those with snack foods will reign supreme. We may not have our first female president yet, but no worries, because if the powder ever hits the fan, we’ll be all pledging our allegiance to Little Debbie.

And just for arguments sake let’s say we did get snowed in, what’s the worst that would happen? We’d have to spend a few days stuck inside with our families. Though, now that I think about it, perhaps that’s why the beer aisle always sells out first.

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Auburn native Bradley Molloy’s column appears here each Sunday. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com

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