Someone asked me if I ran for mayor, who I thought I would fare best against. I said, "probably the write-in votes for Rover the Dog."

"Oh, come on," he said. "Be serious."

"Well, quite frankly," I said, "never gave it much thought."

"Well," he said, " how do you think you would do running against Tim Lattimore, for instance."

"Tim would be really hard to beat. He's been in politics longer than most of the Kennedys were."

"That's true," he said. "But look at how Trump got in with no experience whatsoever in politics."

"Well," I said, "the way Americans vote for president, maybe someday they'll vote in Rover the Dog."

"Oh will you stop with this silliness and be serious?" he said.

I said, "Well, OK. Let's go over some of the common traits Mr. Lattimore and I have. Quite frankly, I can't think of any."

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"Right off the bat I can," he said. "You're both dashing, debonair, suave men about town. You both have that charismatic way of doing things and you both have a flare for the dramatic."

I said, "I thank you, and I'm sure Mr. Lattimore does too for all of those nice things but where do I get the edge over Tim in an election?"

He said, "Well, I guess you'll just have to hope that locals who voted for Trump will vote for you and hope there won't be too many votes for Rover the Dog."

"Yeah," I said, "it'll definitely be a case of being behind the eight-ball most of the time."

He said, "Let's be optimistic here. Where there's a will, there's a way. The odds are against you, that's for sure."

I said, "I'll say, because even I'll be voting for Tim because he's the better man for the job and that's the bottom line. I don't want to be Trumped in like the Donald was. How he got in, only the Devil knows. But I do thank you for considering me as a candidate. Right now Mr. Lattimore certainly has more bounce to the ounce than I do. He's more of the 'Action Jackson' type who'll fight hard for all the right things that could benefit each and every individual. He's been around long enough and has been there, done that. When he's elected, Auburnians will have elected the right person. As for myself and Rover the Dog, we'll be content to know we lost to the better candidate."

Murray Lynch


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